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Maid of Honor Self Care
Your job as Maid of Honor is to
be supportive and willing to do whatever the Bride needs you to do…
within reason! The Bride must know that she can call you for input on
dress styles, wedding favors, or whether to use
Cousin Joey
as a DJ. She’ll call you when the Groom’s parents refuse to cut their
guest list of 60 to the 30 she has allotted them. And then she’ll call
you some more.
Ask the Bride what she expects of you. Are you to go
dress shopping with her every time she goes? Are you venue shopping to
help narrow down her options before she drags the Groom to a few choice
facilities? Are you to join her at four Saturday wedding shows? Who are
the bridesmaids, how involved will they be, and how involved are you to
be with them? Then do what she expects, adjusting from time to time
based on further conversation with her.
Be proactive! Show
her pictures of bridesmaids’ dresses (preferably in her chosen color!)
in different styles to see if she’s reasonable enough to let maids
choose their own styles in her choice of fabric. But if she has dreamed
of following pink poufs of taffeta down the aisle, you’ll buy it, wear
it and keep the other maids from complaining to her. If maids can select
their own shoes within a prescribed style, great! But if she wants a
particular style all died to match, you’ll get the maids’ sizes, order
them dyed, make sure they all match, and deliver them (insured of
course!) to the maids in plenty of time for them to break them in.
Ask what kind of bridal shower
she wants, figure out what you and the maids can afford, talk to her Mom
about how involved she wants to be and who should be invited, and
coordinate a lovely party. You may visit potential venues and choose
menus. You can delegate the invitations, favors and party game gifts, as
long as you confirm that they all get done – and be prepared to do them
yourself if the other “helpers” don’t hold up their end of the deal.
Make sure someone is writing down who gave the Bride that lovely set of
tea towels
and offer to help stamp and seal thank you notes.
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(Remind her that she’s hoping
for wedding gifts from each shower attendee too so, yes, she does have
to write the shower thank you notes by herself! If she insists that you
help, play along. It’s her wedding and reputation, not yours.)
You’ll go to at least one dress fitting to learn how
to bustle the gown if it’s formal, and practice dancing with her to make
sure the dress doesn’t move in ways it shouldn’t. Keep an eye on the
décolletage -- bridesmaids popping out of their gowns is inexcusable,
Brides popping out the top is the stuff of nightmares! Be sure that the
maids all get their dresses paid for, ordered and altered in plenty of
time to address any issues.
You’ll drive her to nail appointments, and pay for
your own, to talk over details and more details. Fill in for the Groom
when discussing song lists, menu choices, caterers, and whatever other
vendors he doesn’t want to deal with. You may weave ribbons onto metal
baskets the weekend before the wedding (welcome gifts for out of town
guests) and make sure someone else is keeping a very close eye on the
gift table, the immature usher, and the clock.
You’ll love her and support her and finally get some
sleep once she’s gone on her honeymoon. And when she gets back, you’ll
spend even more hours reliving her big day as you help select photos for
her album and watch her video. You’ll tell her again and again that it
was wonderful and how much it meant to you to share it with her.
And you’ll have a dress hanging in your closet that
you’ll never wear again. Welcome to the sisterhood.
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